Rehan, 22, from Afghanistan living in Hungary

“This pain remains in my heart forever.”

Rehan fled from Afghanistan, leaving his wife and child behind. His first asylum application was refused; he was detained for eleven months. As the Afghan embassy accepts and assists only voluntary returns, he cannot be expelled from Hungary.

No place to call home
My father was in politics from the ethnic groups in Afghanistan. At that time I was eight years old, when my brother and father were killed by these people. The government put me to an orphanage. Now I don’t have any family there. My wife and children live in Iran. In Iran also we are not in safe place. It’s a very difficult place. I lived in Iran like a thief.

Detention
On 16 October 2011, at 1 o’clock and 2 minutes at night, I came to Hungary. There were three taxis, and one taxi was stopped. And I was inside that one. After this, they brought us to a detention centre where I claimed for asylum. I was there for 10 months, and then they transferred me to another detention centre.

It was jail, you know. It was dark inside the room, most of the time the door was closed, and I was inside. It was my life. Nothing. Just eat and sleep.

The problem was that before I’ve never seen the cuffin’ [handcuffs]. The first time I arrived in Hungary the police put the cuffing to my hand in front of other people, and in this case I feel too much sadness. Because I not was a killer, a crimer or something else. It was very difficult. If somebody beats you, with the boot or kick, that have a pain for ten days, and after your pain goes. But this pain remains in my heart forever. Because in front of the people, they’re treating you as dogs. Maybe this man is a thief,” people think, they don’t know that you are an asylum seeker. They don’t understand, but think.

I am very concerned about my family, so I’m thinking, thinking, thinking, and my hair become white, you know. Every time I think about the family, it’s too much thinking, and here [pointing at his heart] I feel badness. Because two years I’m here in the Hungary, but there isn’t any good future for myself.

Hopes for the future
After I spent twenty days in the second detention centre, they transferred me here to this  camp [open community shelter]. When I was inside the jail, it was jail. But now I’m in an open space, that’s also a jail, because without documents everywhere is a jail.

Why I am here without any reason? Because, if I had status I would work for some factories, now I work, I’ll buy and eat and spend for my family, money by myself not by others. Because I want to work, and I want to spend.

I don’t go outside too much, because when I go outside I see families and they have children, they spend their life happy, they share their moments with each other, and I become sad. Because why, what’s my mistake that I don’t have a good life. I want also be together with my family, I want to go with my wife and my children outside, we would spend our life happy, share our life, and talk about places and things.

Two years in Hungary
Still undocumented and unreturnable for administrative reasons